a work in progress

An Open Letter to Loving Family & Friends

When I initially wrote this, it was a rant. I was frustrated, so much so, that V read it and couldn’t really understand it! So here is the slightly modified, toned down version.


This is a post I don’t really want to write, but it makes me so upset. I think we need to work on it and I’m sure I’m not the only one feeling it.

When a first baby is born, a mother is born.

I cannot begin to explain it to you.
Perhaps you have forgotten.
Perhaps you have never known it.

But it is.


It comes with love and cuddles and warm, toasty feels.
Oh, all the feels I tell you.

But it also comes with clothes that don’t fit.
A weaker body.
A lumpier body.
Sleepless nights because you can hear his voice ringing in your ears.
Coupled with early mornings because those nuggets love sunlight.
It comes with little hands on pyjama pants that won’t let go. Because every couple of minutes they need a cuddle.
It comes with a less stimulating lifestyle.
Often a lonely lifestyle.
A demanding voice who wants what he wants and wants it now.
And we try. With so much patience. We mums try not to lose it. Try to keep it together, try not to hurt them and love them boundlessly.

Perhaps you might say, “Well why did you choose it?”.
For life of course. For life. And it’s not that we regret it.
But it’s simply that knowing it was coming,
or being in the dark about what it would be like
doesn’t make it any easier to stomach.

But you know what makes it hard?

You. My darling family. My darling friends. You.

When you call and it’s inconvenient to ask about my day.
You just want to see the baby move on Facetime.
I’ve seen this stuff all day. I might want some adult conversation. I want to hear about your day and with any luck, it will sound so interesting to my diaper, feed, sleep filled ears.

But it’s not about me (like the most of the day).
It’s about you, watching a baby move, hearing him coo, taking delight in his smile.

Because that is all you see.
You fail to see me. A kind person (I like to think) who is holding the phone, sending you updates and doing my best to keep the both of you connected.

That person, that mum, needs love and affection. Just like that child.
Yes me. Yes, any new mum. Any mum actually.

And you know what makes it hard?

Every time a mum complains about her child and she gets shot down. “He’s just a baby!”. “You need to be more gentle.” “It’s not that hard.” “It’s not a big deal”.

You know what. It is. Because no one I know has been with this ray of sunshine the way a mum has. So at the end of the day, he’s just a baby and I’m just a mum. I’m being as gentle as I can, even on the days that I’m falling apart and it is bloody hard. You either don’t remember or you’ve never done it.

And the truth is that most mums can take the criticism and the feedback.
I’m sure we all do, in serves.
We just absorb it and when you turn around, we might shed a tear or let out a sigh. We’re polite, you see, even when it hurts us so much, we don’t want to hurt you.




Be the ray of sunshine I need to make it through the day.
Because you can give all the love in the world to a child,
but if you don’t love his mum,
then that love doesn’t mean much to him.
I know it.

I’m my mother’s child after all.


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  1. Shelyn

    I understood it the first time you wrote it and I understand it now too. It was a rant. A rant that we first time mothers feel more about. I confess to ignoring my own Mother when she would call or facebook me or text messaged me. It always ALWAYS started with “How’s Emma?” But we sorted it out…we….I had to! I remember enjoying my pregnancy because I sort of knew it was the last time it would be about “me”…the last time “I” would get noticed…the last time people would ask me “How are you feeling?”

    • karishma

      I had no idea it would happen! It was quite a shock to the system. I told my mum, I could expect it from others but not from her ? I feel like forwarding that post to everyone I know ?

      • Shelyn

        And you should!!! It’s definitely something everyone does unintentionally. I remember I did it to my sister when she had her son. Hehehe I apologized to her this morning after reading your post and realizing it was something I myself also did to her. She understands now but my mom…no she keeps forgetting lol =D

  2. You should have called me. I would not ask you to show me the baby crawl. I would have been only interested in listening to your brilliant and invigorating thoughts 🙂

    Can’t wait to Facetime with you now! 🙂

  3. Lisa

    I’m having a hard time with this post. I understand that you’re feeling neglected by family and friends, but I don’t understand why you would post this online. Wouldn’t it be better to tell them in person if they have upset you, rather than shaming them on the internet, where anyone can read this? Might not your friends and family be upset by this post? Being a mother is really hard, but women have been doing it for millennia, and most of them with far fewer resources and support than people in this country. Have those frustrations sure, vent to people close to you that you trust, but isn’t it only fair that you afford your friends and family that same level of sensitivity that you are here asking of them?

    • karishma

      Lisa thanks for sharing your thoughts. Sometimes I write posts for general use, for someone to forward to their mum, their sibling or loving grandparents.
      It’s the words they can’t say.
      My family (because it’s not friends in my case) – all know about this (especially my own nuclear family because I care about their affections the most).
      Hope this clears out any confusion 🙂

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