I was meant to go to our casa with Aru and put him to sleep.
Usually Neha, D or V would be with me, but today, for some reason or another, we were all split apart.

As I gripped Aru and landed a jandalled foot outside our casa door, I felt the rain wash through my feet. I tried the door but it wouldn’t budge. An impatient driver honked behind our taxi. I heard my family drive off. I rang the doorbell of the casa and no one responded. Aru was getting wet and his eyes wide were observing me.

There was a moment of panic and I saw our taxi move forward and park. D came out in the pouring rain and I gave her the key. She opened the door and wanted to walk me in. I kept telling her don’t worry, “I’ve got this, I can do it”. Independent.

As I walked through the door, there was a courtyard area I needed to cross before going upstairs into our private room. Rain was pouring all over the place, my soggy feet and clingy jandals were stunned. To date, they had only felt blazing heat in Cuba. “Hello Trinidad,” I thought.

D insisted on walking me in. I’m glad she did. I needed to hold bar for bar as I carried Aru over marble tiles and a slippery downwards cobbled path. She made sure I was safely in my room till she left.

Now how do you get boiling water for Aru’s milk when the kitchen is downstairs, your verandah is soaked with rain and there is no room service? I made a mental plan, gave Aru a bath and started walking part way down when I saw a cleaning maid. Hesitant but hopeful, I lamely said, “Can you help me? Agua calliente?”. She understood and I was spared another trip in rain.

There are so many moments where I chose independence rather than dependence.

But the thing I didn’t realise.

Is that while it’s great to be all tough guns and amazing and that “oh-my-gosh-I-don’t-know-how-you-do-it!” type of a woman, there are always instances when something or the other is easier. Help comes. A sister comes. A cleaner comes. A husband comes. Someone.

And to take that help, shows a different kind of strength.
It made me put aside the arrogance and the ego.
And it embrace the taking.
To be vulnerable.

I think I’m going to try it a bit more often 🙂