Living the same way

I guess the question is.

Do you want to go on.

Living the same way.

Today I got home around 6pm.

Vivek had gotten Aru from daycare.

Which is pretty standard.

Had prepped dinner.

I felt like I still had a million things to do.

I live a life feeling like that.

I never feel like it’s all quite done.

Because there is so much more I could be doing.

It is constant overwhelm.

And it festers.

I’ve been feeling like I really want to figure out how to figure it out.

It’s not a question of putting on more staff, we simply can’t.

It’s not a questions of outsourcing, even that we do enough of.

And I started talk to V.

He said, “Tomorrow, when you have 10 more staff, you’ll probably feel the same way, because you’ll have more expenses you need to cover”.

He was right.

We started to talk about the long term plan, the strategies behind them. The intuition vs. the intellectual. We fleshed it all out.

//

And something, somehow dawned on me.

Since I was a child, I had heard phrases like, “there is always enough time, you just need to work hard enough,” or “you can achieve anything, you just need to keep trying, or try hard enough”. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Childhood is littered with this sort of content.

The reality is.

What is the cost?

For me.

It’s the cost of not being with my son.

It’s the cost of not doing yoga.

It’s the cost of a never ending to-do list I make for myself because #overachieverfail

It’s the costliest cost.

So what if I accept.

That I have 5 hours today.

And in those hours, I can realistically achieve 5 things (or tops 10).

And therefore, I must chose which things will have the best outcome for what I want.

And be okay, to let go of the rest.

Because.

In the end.

If it is to be.

It will be.

And finally.

I think.

I can do a little less.

And sleep a lot better.

X

K

 

(May, 2018)