womanhood

a work in progress

Category: Aware (Page 1 of 37)

Karishmas Feet At the Water

Intuition, telepathy, clairvoyance, chakras, synchronicity and so many wild dreams.

It’s been a wild ride.

Last year threw me into a collision path with intuition, telepathy, clairvoyance / visions, chakras, synchronicity and so many wild dreams. In the short span of 4 months, I’ve stalked concepts like the 5th Dimension, meditation frequencies, advanced souls and so much more.

I had NO IDEA what was happening and to be honest – once I realised how big it was, I was: shit. scared.

I never believed in psychics or fortune tellers. I thought it was all BS + “woo woo”.

I only started to understand energy a year or so ago. My counsellor had been saying for years, “Energy doesn’t lie” and I didn’t quite grasp the concept till very recently.

Now I know. People say things all the time. But only what you feel underneath it, is what is true. I’ve spoken to the sternest, coldest people, with the toughest demeanour and felt just how deep their love is for me. From mentors to my own dad. People aren’t always whom they speak or appear to be – but their energy doesn’t lie 🙂 Vibes am I right?!

I’ve been down a rabbit hole trying to understand it all. When I started meditation, I wasn’t in pursuit of all this.

I simply saw: I stressed less.

Sunaina, who worked for me at one time said to me, “I’ve never worked for someone who is as chilled as you when things get so delayed.”

Meditation just helped me cope.

But with COVID and loneliness, I was drawn to everything which was opening my pineal gland AKA the third eye (I just didn’t know it at the time). Walks in nature or by the ocean, journalling, meditation, dancing, sleeping by the moonlight and solitude.

When I meet people, I’ve started to visualise a white bubble around me (it’s a classic way of protecting your energy). I didn’t even know if it was working or not. Then a friend who is doing a course on intuition and a degree of clairvoyance tried to read me. She said, “All I’m getting is a filter. It’s like a white cloud over your face. I’m getting nothing else, I can’t read anything.” I couldn’t believe it. I was protecting my energy. Nothing bad in, nothing bad out.

It feels absolutely new most days – but I’m learning to trust it more and more. I’m trying so hard not to be in my head about it and to just let it flow (as always, easier said than done).

I don’t know where I’m going with this. I’ve found a few women along the way and some resources. If you know of any more – shout out – I am so curious.

If you’re on your own sort of spiritual journey – here are some wonderful books I’ve read lately;

Untamed – this is such an easy read – she’s got short nuggets of stories – I loved just about each and every one of them. This is one of my “forever collection” books.

The Surrender Experiment – this reinforces everything I’ve believed in about life – the bit at the end gets a bit full on for me, but the baseline of it is the same: TRUST and the universe will solve it all for you.

The Alchemist – MAN OH MAN. So much in this resonated with me. It felt like I was coming home in many ways.

The Seat of The Soul
I have just started this one – it’s so damn deep, I need to do it page by page to stay semi-focused.

And I’ve found Led By Source on Instagram and he has some pretty epic (and aesthetic!) content.

I also love Matt Kahn‘s content – he has brought me profound depth when I needed it. How wonderful are these words when you’re stuck?

//

In short. I’ve never really understood how capable we are of manifesting what comes our way. How our thoughts (conscious but MOST IMPORTANTLY, subconscious) form the world around us. How interactions we have lead us onto the next steps of our journey. How everything that comes into our life, is something we have in some way or form, attracted for our learning and evolution.
There are no coincidences.

And lastly.

There was a weekend a few weeks back when I was meditating up in Woori Yallock and I looked up at the stars filling the night sky in delight.

And I heard:

And you think you’re the one who is in control?

//

It made me smile. At the end of it all – we’re in the hands of something so much larger than us – a force field. We can try, but even our trying begins and ends at the hands of the universe.

Life is changing and it is at once terrifying, exhilarating, magnificent and incredible.

I am. In. Awe.

Just when I thought I’d levelled up, I’m learning, there is so much further to go. After all, I am Thursday’s child.

//

Side note – I look back at so many of my posts and realise how un-humble I was. I felt like I knew all there was to know. I hope I’m changing.

x

K

2020

It’s been a while. More on that another day.

I wanted to chronicle my lessons + notes of 2020 (easily the biggest year of my life) here.

I’m sure I’ll learn them all over again in 2021.

//

Magnesium helps you sleep.

You can look after your kid in a lockdown and not go bat shit crazy.

I am an introvert for real.

No point assuming people are going to judge you harshly, mostly, they give you love instead.

Sauté that leek in butter and put it on toast with cheese, salt and cracked pepper. Life changing.

Don’t paste another person’s life stories over your tomorrows.
You are not that person.

My Dad makes epic chai.

It’s always darkest before the dawn.
(I thought this originated from Florence and The Machine, but it’s actually from Thomas Fuller, a theologian). 

Sufi lyrics are everything.

Not everything I write here stands the test of time.
Hindsight is both painful and wonderful.

Do it your way. It. Always. Pays. Off.
(Even if you can’t see how it did pay off).

As I teach Aru, it’s ok to lean on each other.
As I teach Aru, I learn it for myself.

You can exit any situation you don’t want to be in.
The question hangs in the balance of what you’re ok to risk / lose.

Pic’s Peanut Butter is consistently the best.

Those that love you, will show you their love time and time again, even when you haven’t been the best version of yourself.

Meditation is addictive.

How someone treats you is a reflection of what they’re going thru.
What you take from it, is a reflection on you.

We are all hurting and healing. Tread softly. Judge less KK.

It’s ok to turn off all notifications.

Illegal hugs are the best kind of hugs.

I have felt more at peace looking at leaves and the ocean than in a temple.

Contrary to what I believed. People can change.
You just can’t force that change. The universe does that bit.

When you are expecting it the least, love can come at you
as swiftly as torrential rains in the midst of a heatwave.

xx

 

Can I just say.

Learning to give zero fucks.

Is golden.

It’s Corny (consider yourself warned)

I think after the miscarriage, I went through what I’ve labelled as “mild depression”. It wasn’t too bad, I probably got a bit addicted to sugar to keep me afloat and am thankful to Aru for giving me a reason to drag myself out of bed.

In the middle of it tho, there was a lot of Ayurvedic support medicine I was taking and I just started getting back to my basics. Less work, a little yoga. Homemade food. Friends. That sort of stuff.

And one thing was more meditation.

I am a total sucker for Deepak & Oprah.

And one thing Oprah said really rang true for me.

She said.

It’s corny.

Be warned.

But she said.

Say “Yes To Life”.

And I realised.

That for a long time, outside of Kholo, I had been saying no.

No, I don’t want to go to Bendigo to see the Marimekko exhibit, it’s too far.

No, I don’t want to see friends, because of XYZ.

No, I don’t want to go see that movie because what if it’s not good enough?

I wanted every experience to be 100% perfection.

So much so, I had started missing out on experiences in general.

Now, I’m trying to get back to just saying yes.

To having something to look forward to over the weekend.

To catching up with friends, even though I may need to process some vibes (I tell you, I feel soooo much :/).

To having potentially bad experiences (as well as amazing ones).

All I’m saying is.

There was a greenhouse in Bendigo and it was so, so beautiful.

So.

Say Yes To Life.

And it’s beautiful surprises 🙂

X

(May, 2018)

In the Living

Living the same way

I guess the question is.

Do you want to go on.

Living the same way.

Today I got home around 6pm.

Vivek had gotten Aru from daycare.

Which is pretty standard.

Had prepped dinner.

I felt like I still had a million things to do.

I live a life feeling like that.

I never feel like it’s all quite done.

Because there is so much more I could be doing.

It is constant overwhelm.

And it festers.

I’ve been feeling like I really want to figure out how to figure it out.

It’s not a question of putting on more staff, we simply can’t.

It’s not a questions of outsourcing, even that we do enough of.

And I started talk to V.

He said, “Tomorrow, when you have 10 more staff, you’ll probably feel the same way, because you’ll have more expenses you need to cover”.

He was right.

We started to talk about the long term plan, the strategies behind them. The intuition vs. the intellectual. We fleshed it all out.

//

And something, somehow dawned on me.

Since I was a child, I had heard phrases like, “there is always enough time, you just need to work hard enough,” or “you can achieve anything, you just need to keep trying, or try hard enough”. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Childhood is littered with this sort of content.

The reality is.

What is the cost?

For me.

It’s the cost of not being with my son.

It’s the cost of not doing yoga.

It’s the cost of a never ending to-do list I make for myself because #overachieverfail

It’s the costliest cost.

So what if I accept.

That I have 5 hours today.

And in those hours, I can realistically achieve 5 things (or tops 10).

And therefore, I must chose which things will have the best outcome for what I want.

And be okay, to let go of the rest.

Because.

In the end.

If it is to be.

It will be.

And finally.

I think.

I can do a little less.

And sleep a lot better.

X

K

 

(May, 2018)

Try.

I’m feeling better.

Steadier.

Rested.

Calmer.

Trying eagerly, to seperate my thoughts from my existence.

To know that they’re thoughts.

Moving around.

Doing their thing.

Letting them move on.

Not attaching to them.

It’s not easy.

It’s baffling.

And tough to be aware.

To be present.

And watch where my mind takes me.

But I try.

Hanging in there.

Charmer

There is a Kings of Leon song somewhere in history.

About a charmer.

And I think I became one very early on.

I used to be feisty.

I used to be radical and outspoken.

I never got voted for prefect in primary school.

I think the teachers decided I should be one anyways,

Because you know. Surnames.

Safe to say, I never won the popular vote.

Then.

I had this fight at high school, where I was arguing with a girl.

And she ripped it into me.

For always being “right”.

And no one had really fought me back till her.

No one had tried to put me in my so called place.

I was stunned.

I didn’t really know how to process or cope.

For some reason, I doubled down and thought she was right and I was wrong.

Who I was being was hurting people.

And so I learnt to win love.

To win votes.

To win affection.

Because I wanted to be the frickin belle of the ball.

And so I layered up.

Made up.

And I trained to win.

I’m so good at it now.

I can’t tell you who I really am.

Because it’s somewhere there.

Under all the layers.

Of the pleasing.

X

K

Recurring Dreams

I always have these dreams.

That I’m getting late.

And this time,

It was clearer.

I kept getting distracted by things along the way.

Stopping me from arriving.

My politeness, holding me back.

Putting me on the burner,

Slowly and steadily.

And I’m always ok to get slowly grilled,

So long as I’m polite.

I need.

To end.

The habit.

Steady Love

I’m glad you’re here.

I’m glad it’s you.

I’m glad I can dish it and you can take it.

I’m glad you know how to talk about your feelings and feel ok to be vulnerable with me.

It’s the safest place in the world my sweet.

I’m glad we’re both broken.

I’m glad you feel it and I do too.

I’m glad our love is the ordinary, mortgage and kids type of love.

Let me tell you, that’s the luckiest type of love in the world.

I’m glad you take flight and take risks.

Both of us bearing the burn.

But never living a life unfulfilled.

Stand by me.

And I’ll stand by you.

I’m glad.

You chose to be glad with me.

Because one day.

They’ll write about us.

One day.

We’ll make history.

We’ll change minds, as we do now.

You and I.

Always.

Lifetime after lifetime.

I can hear you chuckle.

Stuck with me.

Over and over.

You have my heart.

x

 

(April, 2018)

Worth

I have spoken to countless women about this. 

Countless mothers. 

Countless friends. 

You know what they say? 

You know what you all say? 

Money is the determining factor. 

As a society, we use money to determine things. 

He earns more, so we thought he should work. 

There is no point in me working because it doesn’t make financial sense. 

He made the decision to buy the warehouse because he makes the money. 

We moved three times for his career. 

I conceived and so a career wasn’t an option.

It seems. 

Who earns more money, seems to call the shots. 

And women especially seem to feel this the most, once they have children. 

Because they aren’t earning money, their sense of worth plummets. 

They toss their power, their self worth and arguments out the window. 

Because. He earns. 

///

Using money to decide worth is the WORST call you can make. 

Your worth is in who you are. 

Is in how loving you feel towards yourself. 

How contented you are. 

And if that means, putting the kids in childcare at an additional financial cost, so you can get some hours away from the home and engage with the world and feel HAPPY, then, your family is going to see the benefits of that. 

Don’t let money be the only measure. 

There are so many more measures. We need to give them more priority. 

Or we’ll have more depression and damaged children. 

X

K

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