I saw a massage therapist whom V had seen.
She said to me, she’s never met a couple who are as young as us with bodies as similar.
It’s common in older couples, but not in the younger ones.
Our stress areas – placing more weight on the left, were almost identical.
Lately, I’ve begun to notice how similar I am to V.
More similar to him than to whom I used to be.
And it’s likely the same for him.
Somethings are great; minimalism, cooking at home, particular about things (great sometimes but not always great!), relaxing and being with Aru, enjoying more spicy food, listening to more laid back music and shit loads of Bollywood.
But somethings aren’t so great. They were subtle, so subtle that I only know now in retrospect.
If V had an opinion about my friends, I’d withdraw, even though he maintained his friendships regardless of my opinions. I expected perfection in my friends and now I don’t. But his good opinion meant perfection.
If he didn’t place value on something that I couldn’t justify, then his opinion became more right to me. For example a trip away which didn’t involve business.
A specific level for accommodation, furnishings and dining which is quite high
I’m beginning to realise, whilst I admire and respect these qualities in him, they aren’t “more or lesser” than mine. They are unique to him as mine are to me. They are qualities inherent in him to meet his needs and mine are in me to meet my needs.
We are so unique and sometimes so easily convinced, that when we seperate ourselves from that person, we blame them for whom we have become. Yet, they have simply stayed a little more true to themselves than we have (in those aspects) and we were a little less sure of ourselves in those times. Perhaps I never really pause in those years and asked myself, is this what I really want?
I feel like I’m finding my 21 year old self again. And I’m realising, it’s whom he fell in love with in the first place. And it’s the truest version of myself, un-learning the past and unraveling. It’s a fresh kind of confidence.
Terrifying and filled with insecurities but a chance to be true to myself all over again.