For years, I thought I was doing what I loved. I ran a graphic design agency and I was able to make choices because I was the boss.
I’d read interviews of successful artists who said they were “so lucky to be able to do what they love and earn a living from it.”
I never understood this.
I didn’t feel lucky. I didn’t feel blessed.
I mean I did, but not in that way.
And a lot of the time, I didn’t wake up in the morning excited about the day ahead.
There was a to-do-list and that was that.
Of course, I eventually sold the business.
I didn’t want it.
Having a son felt like more than enough.
Why take on something you didn’t really want?
Suddenly, that part of the picture was clear.
But I was so lost.
I could do consulting, make decent money and be happy.
I’d tell myself I loved it.
But I just because I was good at it,
Didn’t mean I was running to it.
After about 1.5 years of knowing the things I was really good at,
I still didn’t know what I really loved.
I had a counselling session.
And I walked out of it alive.
Because I guess Kayleene could see which parts of the conversation made my eyes light up.
It was the embroidery. The art. The florals. The silk. The rich, rich, silk.
Just about every meeting I have excites me.
My whole body is alive.
And I know what it means, to really love what you do.
To have it excite you so much, there are tears in your eyes.
Or goosebumps on your arms.
Is a blessing.