a work in progress

Dear 30 & Single, yours truly, 30 & Mothered Up

I met up with my ridiculously beautiful and single friend from high school the other day.

Over the years of my marriage and motherhood, her travels and life itself, we’d lost touch.

So much “lost touch” that I was apprehensive to meet her.

Of course the moment we hugged and I said, “I need to go wees,” I knew nothing essential had changed.

But I realised.

I had disconnected over the years. As we had less and less in common, I had started to ease away.

Her Facebook photos had travel. And don’t get me wrong, mine have travel too. But hers was of a different kind. A kind that stays out late at night, meets new friends along the journey, that whole mixed race, “we’re having the freaking time of our lives,” type of travel. The one that you know is not the same as your coupled up photos. It’s just not.

I had started to think she could never understand me and my choices.

I didn’t envy her life, but it felt so remote from mine, that I thought we couldn’t possibly have a decent D&M.

And when I met her, I realised there was a self consciousness about her too. What is 30 and the new normal? Is it Jess on The New Girl? Or is me, married and mothered up?

Is it a baby who is up at 6:30am and so you don’t have any remote desire to be wasted at 3am?

Or is it the freedom of dinner at Gusto or at Pheasant tonight?

Is it having the sex on tap and getting it on starfish style at midnight because you both randomly woke up in the middle of the night from old baby habits?

Or is it having sex on tap and not really wanting it. Like. Ever. Because you know, that happens as well.

Or is it eating burgers at 11:30pm from a street side stall that is New Orleans’ freshest thing?

Is it cooking up for a feast on a Sunday and rolling your eyes when someone whinges about the brand of OJ or the sugar levels in your brownies?

Or is it feeding your guests another type of brownie all together and cheap wine in plastic cups? I remember the latter part of that life.

Either way. We were on a similar path. Now we aren’t.

And I had one of the most incredible conversations – the type you only get to have every now and then, with a handful of people who genuinely get you.

We had lost the exterior displays of what people have in common.

But at the core, that night, we were the same.

Messing shit up and rewinding it to figure it out.
Curious to learn and bounce.

That was when I realised I need the differences just as much as I want the similarities.

Thank you for putting it out there, even when it was a risk. Especially with someone as judgemental as me.


K – better because of you.

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  1. Sneha

    Insightful!:) love it!

  2. Sometimes I think people are hostile towards me because of the choices I have made. I think that “they think” that I will judge them. How one chooses to live their life has nothing to do with how someone else does. There is no judgement. But I think that’s how people around me feel. (Did I even make any sense!?!?)

    Great post, as always! <3

    ∞ © tanvii.com ∞

    • @Tanvi – Yes, totally makes sense! Sometimes it’s too hard to worry about what other people are thinking 🙂 I try and ignore the niggly thoughts in my head and just do my thing. We’re all different and I’m learning that no one is my version of “perfect” / “ideal”. So I’m trying to be more accepting – which is my weakness 🙂 xx

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