I think one of my friends is contemplating divorce.
I felt it intuitively before I was going to meet her. Then when we caught up, she had some seething words to say about her man.
I felt sad inside.
I wondered aloud to V.
What was going on?
What decisions were working in their favour and what decisions weren’t?
What if they had done this instead of that?
Was he always like that?
Of course, I knew I was only hearing one side of the story.
And sometimes I wonder how V and I seem a little steadier.
No arrogance here at all. Simply old fashioned comparison (which isn’t any better, I know). The last time I thought about divorcing V was when I was pregnant with Aru. Nearly 3 years since the thought has sprung into my mind.
I get angry, or frustrated with him on a weekly or fort nightly basis, but when I do, we often come to some sort of a resolution.
So how were we ok?
We had similar troubles.
Life. Money. Mess. Children.
And I said to V.
“Was it that I chose the right man?”
“Was it that we’ve both been doing the work?”
By doing the work, I mean the ongoing counselling.
And I think he’s right.
Luck bumped me into the right headspace for at the naive age of 21, how could I possibly have made a very considered choice? I was probably naturally looking for a combination of the two men I admire the most (because you know that when we love our fathers, we find men similar to them?). My papa and my uncle. I have always had great admiration for both.
And the work.
Gosh the work.
We’ve been doing the work for around 6 years now?
Anything between every 8 weeks or every 4 weeks.
I think we don’t realise the changes in us that have played out.
Because it’s so steady over a long period of time, and you keep seeing imperfection that you wonder if the work will ever be done!
If in some part of you, you innately love the one you’re with.
Then the answer isn’t divorce. At the start at least.
The answer is more learning.
And that boils down to.
Doing the work.