I caught up with a friend last night.
She started talking about sexual abuse in society and her eyes welled up.
I couldn’t feel the feels.
A long time ago, a girl in Delhi was raped and I felt the feels.
So heavily, so terribly.
It made me hate, it made me angry, it made me despise India for each day that I was in it.
There were vigils, campaigns, petitions.
V saw how I was becoming and I realised,
Something happening to someone over there, was affecting who I was right here.
Now, when a toddler dies, when a woman is raped, when a family is wronged, I step away from the passion.
Will I help?
Do I truly want to help?
Or is it a phase of feeling?
How is it affecting me?
Am I becoming more paranoid?
I feel so much less. And I don’t know if it is a good thing or a bad thing. I just know, other than some small action such as signing a petition or retweeting, I won’t necessarily be the leader of a march or make it my life’s work.
That is whom I am. Fortunately or unfortunately, agnostic.
I wonder if it broke my friend in some ways. The surprise at my lack of interest.
She said she knew someone who had been through it.
I understood in that moment and I shut up.
But this morning it was on my mind again.
And I realised, we can campaign, fight, argue, petition, vote and make change.
But the real change is when you change the mind.
You understand the why, get to the core and break the pattern.
And that, is what we aren’t doing enough of. And perhaps one day, when I’m ready, that would be my life’s work.