Last night, V said, “why don’t you write about it?”
I said, “I’m embarrassed about it, it’s not something I want people to know about me.”
All the more reason.
Lately, I’ve been talking to my girl friends about sex.
I’m not one for it. Hardly, ever, ever want it.
A long, long time ago, before we started working with Kaylene, I worked with a different counsellor.
I never wanted sex and I couldn’t understand why.
I was just not interested.
Then she said something interesting.
She said you can have responsive desire (in response to something), or spontaneous desire (just because).
Then it dawned on me.
Who I was when V first met me, was the latter.
I’m sure at some point, he just wanted to hide from me, because I was relentless.
But soon, I weaned off.
And now, I’m definitely rarely switched on, unless I am literally switched on.
And here I was thinking this was rare. Or perhaps 1 in 4.
So while writing this post, I looked up a few articles on sex.
Turns out, it’s super normal.
Since then, we’ve had ups and downs.
A dry month here and there.
Maybe a little bit over a month.
I also learnt I had (probably still have) an under active thyroid.
(Before I fell pregnant with Aru).
And I also learnt. Sex matters to V. It makes him feel closer.
This makes a difference to me.
Whilst I don’t have a solution (except for trying for babies),
I just wanted you to know, it’s so much more normal than I thought it was.
Which makes me feel better in some way.
If that fails, you can always do a me and say, “I’m doing this so long as I don’t have to move.” And go starfish 🙂 Because you know, it’s all about getting the response in the first place! Psychologically, that works for me.
I hope, in some little way, this makes you feel better if you’re feeling the same. I have a lot of friends that I talk to about sex. (Every girl should have at least one). And we aren’t alone, we’re just shy about it.
PS – for the spontaneous of you out there – I hope this post in NO way makes you feel lacking. I want to be you. x