A while back, I was reading about this concept called “The Family Trance”. I don’t remember the author or the post, or the specific details. But over the last few months, I’ve been thinking about the general idea.
It’s pretty solid.
Loosely speaking, it’s based on this thought that we are all stuck in a family trance.
We’re born dancing this dance with the members of our family and we continue that dance with our friends, lovers and children. This dance comes to an end when one person in the relationship doesn’t want to dance the same dance any more, whilst the other person still wants to.
Put it this way. The reason why women who adore their fathers look for someone similar. The reason why men who adore their mothers look for someone similar. And the opposite when they abhor their mother or father.
Often I look at V and I see a lot of things about my father that I love. A few things that I fear. And I also don’t see things that I specifically don’t like.
Things that are similar could be; they’re both in business, they’re both particular, they’re both driven, they’re both family loving, they’re both generous etc.
Things that I didn’t like about my dad; he was a society man when I was younger and I often felt like his values were based on that society’s speak, not necessarily his own. Over time, this has changed. When I met V, I was subconscious of this point of annoyance and made sure V wasn’t like that.
Do you get my drift? It’s a loose idea — somethings might be polar opposite in certain aspects, but overall, you may start to see a pattern. V’s mum is strong willed, passionate and protective when it comes to her family and has a strong sense of self. Safe to say, I’m pretty sure I’m all of the above. She can also be over bearing and come across as rude, though she doesn’t mean to be. Still safe to say, I’m all of the above.
So my point is. Are you in the trance? How do you feel about your mum or your dad? Have a think about it. Look at patterns and traits in your family members. Who are you like? What traits don’t you like?
The clue to leaving the trance? Being aware of it.
Every family has aspects we don’t want to be. We’re not 100% all the time.
Thinking of that and owning it brings about change.
Give it a try. It might just help you with your inner demons.
Totally coming from a place of experience here.