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Category: Travel (Page 3 of 4)

Dear India, xx the NRI who used to adore you.

On March 16, 2016

I wrote this post in Dec 2015, so it’s taken me some time to find the courage to post it. At the time, I’d just landed and was feeling very, very lost. Perhaps things will be different if I spent more time there, or landed in our home city, Ahmedabad. Not quite sure. But I’ve promised you honesty, so here it is.

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Going from one of the politest and cleanest countries in the world (Japan) to one of the rudest and dirtiest was perhaps not such an ideal idea. I’ve only just landed at Delhi airport and oh gosh, the feels.

Dear India, when did we fall out of love?

There used to be trips when I enjoyed you so much, but these past two trips have been met with a sense of dread. Originally, I had thought it was because Aru was in my belly. But now I’m not so sure.

Is it the men who seem to lurk and stare? They never felt particularly threatening before but since the Delhi incident, I fear being alone. I fear the stares and the gropes and any quiet corridor.

Or is it the people who assess you differently because of your handbag and the foreign accent? Money is the currency of value here. Relationship value as well. Crude and unfortunate.

Perhaps the filth? An all new low. The shock when I blow my nose. The magnetic dust that sticks and never lifts from my thoughts for more than a moment.

Or is the words people say that they don’t really mean. I’m finding the truth harder and harder to find.

Or is it my freedom. My inability to pack Aru into the back seat and drive off for the afternoon. To a clean park. Or a food place which won’t indispense him. Or just to a place where there is no traffic.

Underneath all of this, I truly, innately believe it is possible to find yourself happy anywhere in the world. You just need some friends.

So if you’re not interested in my accent or money (or lack thereof) or my mums Prada handbag, can we be friends?

Cause I would really like that.

PS – I’m nervous to share this. I have family I love in India – but I’m learning now – every woman needs a circle of her own. Maybe it’s just landing frustration, maybe it’s the stark contrast. But this place of womanhood is for all the feels, not just the safe ones.

Dear Aru (Dec 2015)

By karishma

On February 1, 2016

In Aware, Family, Letters to Aru, Motherhood, People & Land, Travel, Woman To Woman

My sweet, sweet Aru.

I came to Tokyo for 6 days without you. You are about 18 months.

I tell myself it’s good for you and it’s good for me. But really, I just want to do it.

Travelling without you has made me appreciate every little detail of convenience my life has ever had to offer prior to you.

But oh the guilt.

Oh the mixed feelings.

I cried a bucket. And then a little less everyday after.

And a part of me wondered, or feared rather, just how joyful and peaceful it was without you.

But then.

You saw me on FaceTime and you cried. And all I wanted to do was to fast track the time it would take me to get back to you.

I guess that’s the thing about marriage, sisterhood and motherhood and family.

It’s not that we can’t live without each other.

It’s simply that we choose not to.

And time and time again, life and love stand by us. Simply to remind us that the delights in being together are worth any other delight than money, solidarity or even a peace of mind could offer.

We are the tears, the migraines, the dramas, the late nights, the vomiting, the chicken broth, the fights, the egos, the telenovelas, the hugs at night and the love. The love is enough. More than enough.

I forgot that.

Dear 30 & Single, yours truly, 30 & Mothered Up

By karishma

On January 28, 2016

In Aware, People & Land, Travel, Woman To Woman

I met up with my ridiculously beautiful and single friend from high school the other day.

Over the years of my marriage and motherhood, her travels and life itself, we’d lost touch.

So much “lost touch” that I was apprehensive to meet her.

Of course the moment we hugged and I said, “I need to go wees,” I knew nothing essential had changed.

But I realised.

I had disconnected over the years. As we had less and less in common, I had started to ease away.

Her Facebook photos had travel. And don’t get me wrong, mine have travel too. But hers was of a different kind. A kind that stays out late at night, meets new friends along the journey, that whole mixed race, “we’re having the freaking time of our lives,” type of travel. The one that you know is not the same as your coupled up photos. It’s just not.

I had started to think she could never understand me and my choices.

I didn’t envy her life, but it felt so remote from mine, that I thought we couldn’t possibly have a decent D&M.

And when I met her, I realised there was a self consciousness about her too. What is 30 and the new normal? Is it Jess on The New Girl? Or is me, married and mothered up?

Is it a baby who is up at 6:30am and so you don’t have any remote desire to be wasted at 3am?

Or is it the freedom of dinner at Gusto or at Pheasant tonight?

Is it having the sex on tap and getting it on starfish style at midnight because you both randomly woke up in the middle of the night from old baby habits?

Or is it having sex on tap and not really wanting it. Like. Ever. Because you know, that happens as well.

Or is it eating burgers at 11:30pm from a street side stall that is New Orleans’ freshest thing?

Is it cooking up for a feast on a Sunday and rolling your eyes when someone whinges about the brand of OJ or the sugar levels in your brownies?

Or is it feeding your guests another type of brownie all together and cheap wine in plastic cups? I remember the latter part of that life.

Either way. We were on a similar path. Now we aren’t.

And I had one of the most incredible conversations – the type you only get to have every now and then, with a handful of people who genuinely get you.

We had lost the exterior displays of what people have in common.

But at the core, that night, we were the same.

Feelings.
Relationships.
Messing shit up and rewinding it to figure it out.
Curious to learn and bounce.

That was when I realised I need the differences just as much as I want the similarities.

Thank you for putting it out there, even when it was a risk. Especially with someone as judgemental as me.

K – better because of you.

Where did you lose you?

By karishma

On January 14, 2016

In Career, Entrepreneurship, Family, Motherhood, People & Land, Travel, Woman To Woman

When did you become so unsure?
So unsteady?
So incorrect?

When did he start to make the decisions for you?
Start to make you feel unworthy?

I hear the blame in your voice.
It’s him.
It’s him who makes you feel unworthy.
It’s him who is demanding.

But wait honey, no one can make you feel unworthy unless you allow them to.

When did your tables turn?
He became the villain and you the victim?

Every decision you make, every decision you have made, has lead you here.
No one turned your hand.
No one held a knife to your heart.
If they did, you had the night to escape.
You had the next day to take flight.

Sweetheart.
It is not him.

It is you.
You don’t see your worth.
You don’t see the value in what you do.
You don’t see the merit in your being awake, healthy, happy and alive.

And what you see in you. Is what he sees in you.

So change what you see.
And he will change what he sees.

Our daughters.
Our sisters.
Our mothers even.
Learn from us.

So let us be worthy of loving ourselves.
The choice starts with you.
Not someone else.

It starts with you saying, today, I will love myself.

Today, I will get my nails done.
Today, I will book that appointment with my nutritionist.
It will cost $120 and that is money well spent on me.
Today, I will take a break in the evening and we can have sweet corn soup.
Today, I will grab a novel and sit in the park.
Today, I will invest in my career.
Today, I will get curious about buying shares with my money.
Today, I will plan that trip to Tokyo with my sisters.
Today, I will consider someone else caring for my child so I can get a break.
Today, I will love me.

And tomorrow, your daughter will know how to love herself.
And this is the best gift you could ever give her.

You are busy with what you say yes to.

– Dr. Libby

By karishma

On November 17, 2015

In Career, Entrepreneurship, Family, Motherhood, People & Land, The Sexes, Tiny Bits, Travel, Woman To Woman

If it’s not a hell yes, then it’s a no.

Dr. Libby

By karishma

On November 13, 2015

In Career, Entrepreneurship, Family, Motherhood, People & Land, The Sexes, Tiny Bits, Travel, Woman To Woman

We aren’t racist. We’re tribe-ist.

By karishma

On October 22, 2015

In People & Land, Travel

So this is my theory.
Racism never existed.
It doesn’t exist.
It just became a word to describe something – which isn’t really that.

But let’s not focus on the word racism here.
For lack of a better word – I’ve used the word tribe-ist.

Our worlds, friendships, communities, networks all have a (roughly) 80% domination of people in our tribe.

We go seeking the familiar.
My friend network consists of:
Indians. Entrepreneurs. Artists & Creatives. NZers. Fijians.
If I went through my Facebook feed, or Whatsapp contacts, majority would fall into these categories.

Why? They’re familiar to me.
I’ve subconsciously been attracted to people who are in my tribe, or they fell into my childhood story (which I wonder, sets the platform for what categories start to become our tribe).

How many Koreans? One. She’s a NZer.
How many vegetarians? A whole heap. I’m one.
Who did I marry? An Indian who is a business man and lives in my native city. 3 points and we had a love marriage.
How about how many people who smoke? A handful, I don’t smoke.
What about people with tatts? Not that many – I actually think they’re cool and intimidating at the same time.

So.
You tell me.
Am I racist?

Or am I attracted to people (largely) within the sphere of what I know?

How do we extend the tribe?

Extensions. I’ve got a Chilean nanny in my home. She came to us through an Indian entrepreneur. I’ve learn a lot about her family, her ways, her interests. Funnily enough, she’s vegetarian, principled and friendly. Sounds like she always belonged in my tribe!

Immersions. When you travel to a country, get stuck in the culture and really get to know the people.

Something for you to think about my friend 🙂 Let me know what you think of this interesting theory of mine 🙂

xx
K

Do It

By karishma

On October 4, 2015

In Career, Entrepreneurship, Faith?, Family, Motherhood, People & Land, The Sexes, Travel, Woman To Woman

There is something you are pining for.
It could be that freelance job.
That solo life.
That dream trip abroad.
You pine for it every day.
On your way to work, you think about how life would be if you weren’t on your way to work.
When you are with your husband, you think about how it would be to leave him.
When you catch that flight away from your kids, you hear the toddlers in the row behind you and think about your own.

That thing.
That thing you are pining for.

Is change.
Consider how it would feel in your bones if it worked out.
Then DON’T CONSIDER how it would fall apart.
Because that is the -.
It’s not the +.
When in doubt, listen to the +.

Pray for the best and take a frickin leap.
Whatever you do, don’t stand in the same place when you want to move on.

Because you start to poison yourself.
Oh, it’s slowly my friend.
It’s a real slow, toxic poison.
This state of gradual unhappiness.
The problem with the slow, toxic type of poison, is that it creeps into your bones and into your blood.
It’s so subtle at first. Just a blemish here and a mark there.

But over time.
It scars you.
And over time,
you scar others.
The ones you love.
Because your unhappiness is so huge, you can’t see beyond it.

So before.
Before it all comes crumbling down.

Flee.
Leap.
Risk.
Explore.
Wander.
Love.
Fly.
Be.

Just. Start. Somewhere.
No matter where.

5 Tips For Keeping Your Sanity On Days When It’s All Falling Apart

By karishma

On September 19, 2015

In Entrepreneurship, Motherhood, Travel

Today was one of those days. Aru drove me (as a rad friend of mine would say) bonkers. Crying, moaning, not wanting anything but for me to hold him. No food, no milk, no sleep. I was like, really?! Just hold you? Just 10 kilos? Just hold? Clearly, I was also in a bonkers frame of mind myself because usually I don’t mind at all.

Positive thinking flew out the window, I got a stomach cramp, V had been away for over a week and I didn’t have the support I’d hoped I’d have. I was getting a bit teary and started to realise that I needed to make a change or the day was going to become a very long one…

This was my sanity checklist:

Enough sleep
We keep a baby safe room with nothing it in except for a great bed. Aru can play and I can get some shut eye even if it isn’t the real thing. I also occasionally step away from the office and get a power nap in the car if I’m losing it.
Meditation / Breathing
I try and do this every 2-3 days. I use The Chopra Centre Meditation app. V prefers to find guided ones on youtube. Always works a treat. But the best magic is when you do it over a long period of time. You really start to see your life just fall into place like an amazing jigsaw puzzle and you don’t need to stress. BEST FEELING EVER.
Snacks and Ginger Water
I’ve recently gotten into ginger water (water with grated ginger in it) and it’s THE best. Great for digestion and I’ve always liked some sort of flavour in my water. After Aru was born, I learnt of my tendencies to get very, very hangry. I always eat in between meals with carrots and fruit if I’m in a sane place. It actually keeps me sane. And I can last just a bit longer.
Dial A Friend
All of the above fell apart. I’d done everything and I still felt grumpy and Aru was picking up my vibes and getting mega clingy. Which apparently is a 12-14 month phase as well. For one of the second times in my life, I dialled a friend. And it felt really good. She just knew where my head was and told me to come over. I didn’t end up going (because we found sanctity at the Domain Gardens) – but just hearing her voice and airing out my mood was great. It took me out of my mental monologue and into a fresh frame of mind.
Have A Back Up Plan And Don’t Think Twice About Using It
This is one thing I learnt from today. From now onwards, I will always keep some packet food and formula ready to just up and go. Leaving the house means I’m forgetting about the dishes, the clothes, the garden and what needs to be done for dinner. I just had to get out. The faster the better. With Aru, my back up plan is simple to stop being so hard and fast about how things should be – and get the hell out of the house. Once we’re out, everything gets dreamy again. He loves the outdoors and so do I.

Pray tell me – what do you do to stay sane? I’d love to keep learning.

The Race Card

By karishma

On August 25, 2015

In Entrepreneurship, People & Land, Travel

Last week I caught up with a mum.
She’s conscious about joining her playgroup.
She’s the only Asian in a fully Caucasian playgroup.

womanhood

a work in progress

Category: Travel (Page 3 of 4)

Dear India, xx the NRI who used to adore you.

Dear Aru (Dec 2015)

Dear 30 & Single, yours truly, 30 & Mothered Up

Where did you lose you?

We aren’t racist. We’re tribe-ist.

Do It

5 Tips For Keeping Your Sanity On Days When It’s All Falling Apart

The Race Card

Hi, I’m Karishma

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Yay! Cannot wait to share more with you. xx K