womanhood

a work in progress

Category: The Sexes (Page 2 of 15)

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Schooled

I’d just like to take a moment.
To thank my husband Vivek.
For preventing me from becoming a man-hater.
For listening to my distaste in men, distrust in men, disgust even, in men.

And then pausing, to give me the potential other side of the story.
For reminding me that I married someone very similar to these men I so despise.

It’s simply that.
We’ve travelled a journey which has changed him and I.

And men are often whom they are,
Because they weren’t educated otherwise.

So.
MY WOMEN IN THE HOUSE.
PLEASE TAKE ON THIS ROLE.

Teach a man.
He doesn’t own you.
He doesn’t own your money.
He doesn’t own the surnames of your children.
He doesn’t own the style of your skirt.
He doesn’t own the sway of your hips.
He doesn’t own the food you have when you go out to dinner.
He doesn’t own your career.
He doesn’t own the relationships you have with your friends and family.
He doesn’t own the jewels you buy, or those that he gifts you.
He doesn’t own the right to tell you when to be home.
He doesn’t own a single inch of you.
Not an inch.

 

And it’s your role, to lock this shit into place.

To cause an uproar.

To fight the fight, be it little or large.

Stand up for what means something to you.

Live a life on your terms and not his.
Because if you keep playing the victim,
Don’t you dare go blaming a wasted life on him.

X
K

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The Affair

I heard a song that reminded me of you, the other day.
A song about shooting stars.

I remember the day I told you, “I could really use a wish right now”.

And I’m glad.
You weren’t there.
You couldn’t show up.
You didn’t.
In that moment.

I’m glad.
Because it made everything clear to me.
About this.

And now I wonder.
Who was that woman.
Needing so much from a man?
Needing a sense of fulfilment from another man?
Needing to feel complete, thinking that you could make me.

Complete?

X
K

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perhaps the thing is. 

that you’ve been loving yourself for so long.

you don’t know what it means to love another.
to break for another.
to fall for another.
to shed for another.
to warm for another.
to give for another.
to just.
be.
for another.

It just is.

You can never tick all the boxes.

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Going around in circles

Life seems to me.

To be cyclical.

Learn what you need to learn, or it’ll go full circle, only to push you back to learn what you resisted the last time around.

So when you complain about something.

Ask yourself,

Have I complained about this before?

Make complaining twice a sin.

Make making change the solution.

X

K

Eden

A Truth Bomb, 

As my friend calls it. 

This is no place for dishonesty. 

So let me lay it out there. 

For you women. 

You readers. 

Who take my good with my bad. 
I never wanted a child per say. 

It was the done thing. 

I did it. 

Never really knowing what it might entail. 
What has transpired from that, is a real journey. 

Moments of never fully unleashing any regrets, but also moments of not loving this whole scene of baby smell and whining at all. 

Being unsure if this is my path. 

Or if I just let it happen. 
I honour and admire my mother. 

Who passed no judgement at all upon these emotions. 

She has let me feel. 

That it is simply ok. 

To feel.

How you feel. 
I’m better now. 

I have Kholo. 

Which is for me.

A making. 

 

And I have found my peace, at least for now, in the role I play in Aru’s life. 

I have found my delight. 
So moving on from children. 

I am vulnerable. 

To heights of emotions. 

To a charged sexuality when it comes to other men. 

Outside of the love bonds. 

Outside of the contract. 

Outside of the need to have and to hold. 
And I don’t know what that means. 

Don’t know how to break it down. 

How to FIX it. 
But I’m learning now. 
I’m not the only one. 

And of course, that makes me feel better. 
But. 

For now I’m a prisoner just as much as a thriving flower. 

In my own garden of Eden. 
X

K

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On FIYAH

When did I loose my voice?

My raging fire?

When did I decide to walk away, instead of fight.

Instead of saying, “HEY, STOP”.

I got so sick of you.

All of you.

Barrage after barrage.

Words that never stop.

Each trying to win the argument.

Thinking my silence would at least end the pain.

If it wouldn’t find a space of peace.

But you know what.

Now I say fuck it.

Fuck the peace.

I will say my part.

Firmly and truely.

Even if it hurts you to hear it.

Fuck the peace and fuck you.

Because you had this shit coming a long way back.

K

 

PS – So sorry for all the swears in this one. I was truly angry in that moment in time and I guess if there are no swears, it doesn’t feel true for me. I can’t feel that rage. Because that is how I express my rage.

 

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It’s Not About You

I want to stop looking at all the things you aren’t.

Because once I do that.

I can start seeing myself for all the things I am.

And all the things I need to change.

If you don’t look out for me, why am I not looking out for me?

If you don’t permit me, why do I think I need your permission?

If you don’t indulge me, why am I not indulging myself?

I am all these things for me.

X

K

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Low

You pretend to be above it all.

But today you showed me just how really low you can go.

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The Idea of True Love

The world seems to tell us,

History seems to tell us,

Disney seems to tell us and

Bollywood always tells us.

When two souls become one.

Etc. etc.

So I spent my youth waiting.

To meet the person who would finally.

Make me complete.

I would finally be able to push the start button on my life.

Because he was here.

But the biggest thing I forgot to see.

To seek.

To really, truly, admire.

Was myself.

In all my completeness.

In all my beauty.

In all my truth.

The world got it wrong.

Love is when two whole people,

Confident, complete, self-loving, self-nourishing people.

Fall in love.

And want to be together.

That is simply love.

And that’s when it’s pretty cool.

Xx

K

Sent from my iPad

Page 2 of 15

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