womanhood

a work in progress

Category: People & Land (Page 3 of 17)

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Trespass

I used to be agnostic. About grief. 

When my father had his heart attack, I couldn’t really begin to understand the depth. The gravity. 

After all. 

He was alive wasn’t he? 

Walking wasn’t he? 
So the grief skimmed my shoulders and took flight after a brief moment of trespass. 
But now. 

Now it dives deeper. 

And deeper. 
No longer in trespass. It owns the territory.
And I feel for you, as if my soul were in your body. 
And I realise. 

Why. 
Because the fear. 

That this moment, will one day come to me. 

When my father too, breathes his last breath. 
The fear fills me so deep. 

I am drowning. 

And I cry tears for you. 

But perhaps just as many if not more for me. 
For a moment I’m not yet ready to face. 
X

K

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Let’s start this year anew. Let’s not make it about body and career. 

How many dollars and how many kilos, how many smoothies and how many dress sizes. 
Let’s make it about love. 

Let’s make it about loss. 

Let’s make it about growing. 
Let’s make it about understanding ourselves better. 

Understanding our lovers better. 

Hearing our children better. 
Let’s make it about something deeper. 
Because I promise you. 

From the deepest parts of me. 
That it’ll make you wealthier and slimmer. 
Let alone so. So. So. Much happier. 
X

K

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Seeking approval? 

When do we stop? 
I had a friend of mine tell me how she firmly believes in medical sciences and her son believes in homeotherapy type stuff. Her son has spent a lifetime hoping he can convince his mum to think the other way. 

She was wondering why. 

I instantly said, “Because your approval makes him feel right.” 

And being “right” is all that matters. 
And I realised. 

I’m not so different. 
I live a wildly different life to my own parents. 

But in all my little ways, I’m subconsciously seeking their approval. 
Look at me – my house is tidy enough isn’t it? 

Look at me – my marriage is peaceful enough isn’t it? 

Look at me – I married the right guy and made the right choice after all didn’t I? 

Look at me – my son is growing up to be well behaved just like we were? 

Look at me. 

Look at me. 

Look at me. 
And you realise. 

You’re seeking an approval you may never find. 

Because perhaps the words were lost. 

Perhaps they were never literally said. 
But it is a approval you will never find. 

In it’s entirety. 
Because the universe is teaching you. 
That it is enough. 

To approve yourself. 

Your conscience is the ultimate approval. 
X

K

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Me Vs. The World

Why are we all set out to change each other? To make everyone like us? 

To convince them of our right-ness? 

Why can’t following our own truth simply be enough?
X

K

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Raas

You could be staying at RAAS and still be unhappy. Still wishing, seeking for perfection. 

You could have marble floors and crisp white towels. 

And still be unhappy. 

You could have a loving man at your side and a serve of chilli paneer, paneer tikka and spring rolls at your table and still unhappy. 

You could be loved by all you love. 

And still be unhappy. 

You could have a son happily tucked into bed, with eyes shut and lashes framing them like a crescent moon. 

And still be unhappy. 
And I realise. 

All over again. 
That it is simply because. 
You are ungrateful. 
X

K

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Cry.

If you don’t let them fall, How will you gather your tears? 
If you don’t howl in pain, 

How will you find relief? 
If you don’t find comfort at your wife’s collar, 

How will you flirt at her waist? 
Diamonds are never made love to my friend. 

Hard. Cool. Unfeeling. 

They lie upon a nape, all day, perhaps even, all night, but are never made love to. 
Humans. 

Failing. 

Soft. 

Crying. 

Angry. 

Emotional. 

Fucked up. 
Are. 

Loved. 

More. 

Than diamonds. 
So. 

Cry. 

Howl. 

Grieve. 
Let your body be alive. 
X

K

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Trust & Pandora

Trust feels so much like Pandora’s box. 
It’s all there, all around, all the feels, all the love. 

All the kindness, all the goodness. 
Till someone opens the box. 

And just like that, 

The hardest thing 

Suddenly seems

To get it back. 
Close the box. 

And pretend it never happened. 
X

K

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Instagram Obsessions

I’ve had about a fortnight of “drowning in Instagram obsession” and it has been bad. Super bad. I was escaping work, watching Lovebird (which has the hottest guy I have ever seen – I didn’t like him at first but about 6 episodes in and I’m drooling). 

Okay but on a more serious note. 

The tension. 

The nervous tension was getting worse. 

My focus had shifted from the making. 

To the selling. 
I know how hard it is to sell when you have a new brand. 

When your garments are over the $150.00 mark and it’s not because you’re heaving for profit, but simply because you need to make a decent margin to get it into retail and OF course you want silk. Of course you want embroidery. Of course you want the creme de la creme. 
So my thoughts had skimmed over everything else. 

But the sell. 
And in my mind, the only way it was going to sell was if I had over 100K followers on Instagram and it was blogged about globally… Can you see how I can go a bit loopy a bit too soon? 
So I was stalking fashionistas, looking at how many followers they have, how much engagement, blah blah blah. 
I needed a specific recipe for guaranteed success.

And it was driving me mad. 
I told V about it. 

I wrote about. 
Then I deleted the Instagram app off my phone. 

Just for now. 

Just to stop the obsession. 
And I spoke to Carmelo about it. 
He said something incredible. 

He said, there are a million paths. 

And instagram is only one. 
It breaks your focus. 

Takes you away. 
Sure it’s good sometimes, 

But some of the most successful people he knows aren’t on it. 
Vivek said the same. 
I was blinded by the lights. 
So I’m off it (in an active way) for now. 

And trying to keep my focus to the making, NOT the marketing. 
Xx

Karishma
PS tho – if you do want to see the process, I’ll be sharing the making and designs at @kholo_thelabel when I’m in India and later on as well. But I won’t be checking and replying daily. Just keeping it to a minimum so I don’t get obsessive and sad about it. 

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Pedestals 

I think we all put people on pedestals. 

Influences. 

Sisters. 

Friends. 

Mentors. 

Parents. 

Entrepreneurs. 

Yogis. 

Artists. 
Etc. 

etc. 

etc. 
But I think the closer to ground they are in our minds, the better it is. 

Everyone of us is flawed. 

We all have aspects which can be vindictive, cruel, manipulative, hurtful, greedy and harsh. 

EVERYONE of us. 

And it’s ok. 

Sometimes we act on them, sometimes we don’t. 
But its imperative we recognise that other people we love or admire or adore, also have these traits. 
And that is ok. 
x

K

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Grief & Loss

Where do we go from here? 
How do we heal? 

How do we love?
I spoke to Vivek about grief and loss. 

Was your grief my grief? 

Or was I able to put my soul in the place of your soul and feel it all? 
Feel the fear of losing a love. 
And he simply said. 
It couldn’t have been any other way. 
For all moments lost. 

For all moments won. 
They were always destined. 

Always meant to be. 

As they were meant to be. 
And so. 
I know. 

I have no control over the tide. 

And no control over the souls that stay. 

And those that go. 
With love. 

K

Page 3 of 17

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