Letters to Aru Archives • Page 3 of 3 • womanhood

Dear Aru (March 2016)

By karishma

On March 14, 2016

In Aware, Family, Fatherhood, Letters to Aru, Motherhood

Hey little Buddha,

Today you really did me in.

All that whining and all that hair pulling, your nails uncut, cuts on my cheeks.

We went from sago sauté to blueberries and raspberries.

You pushed and pulled, from banana to paneer.

There was nothing to fill your little tummy quite right.

And I put everything on pause.

Told myself to slow down.

But it wasn’t enough.

You were crying on the lime washed floors.

I dread the evenings some days. No wait, let me specific. It is the dusk. That time, from 5pm till 6:30pm. Some days it can start as early as 4. When mealtime comes and you resist filling your tummy.

I wouldn’t mind Buddha, I really wouldn’t. If you didn’t want to eat.

It’s just that you’re like your Mamma that way.

Hungry + Angry. For you my Buddha, it always equals Hangry.
Buddha, I would be lying to say today was happiness.

It wasn’t.

Today was a bit of dread, mixed with a bit of struggle and then ending now, in a dash of sorrow.

And I can see your Papa’s big, brown eyes.

Filled with concern.

Why isn’t my Karishma happy?

This is motherhood, doesn’t she want it?

Would it be a lie to say she always wants it?
Of course little Buddha. Of course.

Maybe we broke society a long time ago.

Maybe we needed the mother-in-laws and the mothers and the brother-in-laws and the sisters to make it through the day.

Because sweetie, for now, I just can’t seem to make it through the day.
Hopefully, tomorrow is a new day.

We’ll try lentil curry, gravy and soup.

Yes, perhaps that’ll do the trick.

But for now, I’ll let these tears fall.

Because only when they fall, will I make room for hope.
Xx Your Mamma.

Dear Aru (Feb 2016)

By karishma

On March 4, 2016

In Aware, Family, Letters to Aru, Motherhood

Is it possible to have more than one love of your life?

Could it be that you are my second? Right after your papa?

Your beautiful almond oiled skin.

Your curled lashes.

The way you come running to me when the door opens.

How bizarre would it be to see you hold the hand of your fiancé?

Will I be jealous or wise, like your grandma?

What burning emotions will I feel when you chose her opinion over mine?

Her defence over mine?

When your eyes dance at her childish nature and girlish smiles.

Your grandma is really something.

Your papa did all of the above and she never once gave anything away.

Perhaps she is wise. Or perhaps she is concealing.

But this I know.

I want to be wise for you too.

And for your woman too.

Wise to love you and let you go.

Wise to let you fall and trust that the universe will pick you up, when I’m not the right person for the job.

Wise to adore and love the woman you adore and love.

This I will try.

Xx

Your maa

Mid January 2016. Dear Aru,

By karishma

On February 13, 2016

In Family, Letters to Aru, Motherhood

Dear Aru,

You’ve been sick with fever lately, your body so hot and limp.
You’ve been crawling upon me and just laying there.
Surprisingly, it’s a treat, because you rarely ever, stop.

Dear Aru, there are some things I’ve been thinking about lately.
Somethings I want you to know.

If fortune ever fails to favour you, consider it a blessing.
It is taking you on a detour that you needed at the time, however bleak it may appear, trust me on this one.

Dear Aru, as much as you naturally can, have a sense of reverence for women.
You will never be able to fully empathise on this one, but I once heard,
a woman is a more fully formed version of a male.
Which makes her able to feel and express so much more.
But in every lifetime of yours, a huge proportion of women will feel vulnerable to a man.
And in every life of yours, be that valiant man who respects them and uses his strength to protect them, never, ever to hurt them.

Dear Aru, you are beautiful. You are charming. Just like your mother (perhaps in her heyday, perhaps still today). And perhaps this could be the reason why, you are slower to show grace. To show appreciation. Perhaps you aren’t like this. Perhaps I’m guessing. It’s too early to tell.

But if you’re like this, find your grace in every honourable way that you can. Express thanks and return the love to those who stand by you. Not because of karma. Not because you ought to. Not because of the bad times. But simply because you will feel good. Your insides will glow.

Speaking of insides.
Dear Aru, when in doubt, listen to your insides. They found you us. They found you our home. They found you love, love, love.

So put the money, the people, the society, the status aside. And just. Listen. To your insides.

So much love beta,
The world is full of wonder and it is yours to explore,
Maa.

Dear Aru (Dec 2015)

By karishma

On February 1, 2016

In Aware, Family, Letters to Aru, Motherhood, People & Land, Travel, Woman To Woman

My sweet, sweet Aru.

I came to Tokyo for 6 days without you. You are about 18 months.

I tell myself it’s good for you and it’s good for me. But really, I just want to do it.

Travelling without you has made me appreciate every little detail of convenience my life has ever had to offer prior to you.

But oh the guilt.

Oh the mixed feelings.

I cried a bucket. And then a little less everyday after.

And a part of me wondered, or feared rather, just how joyful and peaceful it was without you.

But then.

You saw me on FaceTime and you cried. And all I wanted to do was to fast track the time it would take me to get back to you.

I guess that’s the thing about marriage, sisterhood and motherhood and family.

It’s not that we can’t live without each other.

It’s simply that we choose not to.

And time and time again, life and love stand by us. Simply to remind us that the delights in being together are worth any other delight than money, solidarity or even a peace of mind could offer.

We are the tears, the migraines, the dramas, the late nights, the vomiting, the chicken broth, the fights, the egos, the telenovelas, the hugs at night and the love. The love is enough. More than enough.

I forgot that.

Xx

K

Mid October, 2015. Dear Aru.

By karishma

On November 12, 2015

In Letters to Aru, Motherhood

Dear Aru,

Chances are you, you won’t understand this.
But I’ll try anyways.

I’ve spent a day with you.
A whole day.

Then at 6pm, I had to go see a friend for dinner.
So your Papa took you round the back of the house so you wouldn’t see me leave.
Because that makes you cry. (Your head off).

And I just wanted a cuddle.
A little squeeze.
Because when I’d come back, you’d already be in bed.
My final squeeze for the day.

Your soft, soft cheeks.
Your tousled hair.
Your little arms.
The breath of you.
Your closeness.

But I couldn’t.
And I already missed you.

Can you believe it Aru?
Already?
How?
Is that even possible?

We don’t even speak the same language.

So as I left, I went to the back gate.
And I just watched you and your Papa.
Watched you hold a branch to the sky.
Watched the sunlight touch your crown.
Watched you.
And you didn’t know I was there.

And then I tore myself away from you.
A little step.

How will I ever be.
The day you step away from me.

I like to kid myself and say that you don’t mean that much to me.
But I think we both know.
I’m kidding myself.

Wait for me to come home.

xx

Your Maa.

Early May, 2015. Dear Aru.

By karishma

On May 2, 2015

In Letters to Aru, Motherhood

I want to chronicle the year past.
My blooming, wilting heart.
I want to chronicle how you made me new.
How you made me blue.
And how you made me again anew.

Would you rather I be true?
Or tell you of that “Love at First Sight” type of motherhood?

You know your mother. She could never be untrue to you. Perhaps untrue about how much chocolate she ate that day. Or untrue about how many boys she’d kissed. (More boastful than truthful for that one).

But my darling sweet son.

Let me tell you.

womanhood

a work in progress

Category: Letters to Aru (Page 3 of 3)

Dear Aru (March 2016)

Dear Aru (Feb 2016)

Mid January 2016. Dear Aru,

Dear Aru (Dec 2015)

Mid October, 2015. Dear Aru.

Early May, 2015. Dear Aru.

Hi, I’m Karishma

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