At what point did my own desires have no meaning to me? To the point where I couldn’t
Be.
Bothered.
To make them happen.
Xx
K
// I realised, at some point. I’d stopped going to concerts. Stopped watching movies at the cinema. Stopped having chocolate milkshakes. I stopped doing the things I loved. And in so many ways, it made life meaningless. To the point where I asked myself,
What the fuck am I even looking forward to today?
So I guess now, I’m making my day worth waking up for.
It’s our responsibility to ask the questions.
X
K
// I always felt I didn’t need to know about the investments, about the money, about the fine lines, about my own health and more. I put this ownice on Vivek. I’m learning now. Everything to do with me and Aru, is my responsibility. And I need to know, I need to be informed.
Kholo keeps my soul alive.
It keeps my eyes wide.
Seeking, searching.
It keeps me alive.
I cannot wait to show you.
The silks.
The embroidery.
I’m so nervous to share it –
What if it gets copied in a day?
And I’m still scrambling to make the photoshoot happen?
Each little move to expose makes me nervous.
I’ve barely done an instagram feed because I’m like…
What if it isn’t on point?
I don’t think I’ve ever feared getting it wrong, the way I’m fearing it now.
But.
As a friend of mine said.
Scared is a good place to be.
So.
I guess all that’s left.
Is to leap.
X
K
Like I’ve released something.
Like I need to keep on going.
Like I need to forgive the past.
Accept it was a time of learning, at least it wasn’t a lifetime.
You know not, how many times I’ve wondered.
If other people live like this.
With all this shit in their heads.
Going on and on.
Like a mouse in a loop.
Scurrying.
Scurrying.
When you doubt someone you love.Do the love the courtesy of clarifying the doubt.
Go forth.
Ask.
Put your doubt on the table and dress your courage with love.
Instead of fear.
X
K
If you are to dream, Don’t do it cautiously.
Or hesitantly.
Or steadily even.
Dream irrationally.
Ridiculously.
Wildly.
And with abandon.
Because that my friend,
Is how one ought to dream.
Somewhere deep down.
I’m a snob.
Not a money snob.
Maybe a taste snob.
A swag snob.
And I had my snobbery sliced and diced by a woman whom I deeply admire.
And it was so good for me.
It began with her respect for red toilet, where I smirked, she smiled with child-like enthusiasm.
And sometimes, that’s all you need to ground you a little.
Shake off the dust a little.
And love what you already have.
A little.
Xx
K
In ways we don’t even recognise.
It says to us.
This happened last time, so it’ll happen again.
It says.
Don’t do that, because then this will happen.
It says.
You aren’t capable of this, because you weren’t last time.
It says.
Don’t. Try. Again.
And as we age, this history becomes our identity.
Every incident adorns us and we become,
Layered with wrinkles of this.
And so.
To become aware of your subconscious,
Is the only way.
To the true future.
I think.
We worry about the little ways we’ll disappoint them.
Maybe we’ll give an honest opinion.
Maybe we won’t pick up the FaceTime call.
Maybe we won’t do the dishes.
Maybe we said no to the way they treat our children.
Maybe we won’t go for that walk they’ve been proclaiming does wonders.
Maybe we’ll see them a little less.
Maybe we’ll loose our temper and get angry.
Maybe we travel far.
Maybe we’ll eat that ice cream they would disapprove of, or yet, that cheesey pizza slice.
Maybe we’ll stand by someone else, other than them.
Maybe we quit the job they told us not to quit.
Maybe we married the man / woman / lover they didn’t approve of.
Maybe we chose a different faith.
There are a million ways.
But I’m learning now,
If I’m not true to me,
I’ll be disappointing them with
Fake.
Lies.
Treachery.
False Arts.
And deep love runs deeper than that.
X
K
Let’s start this year anew. Let’s not make it about body and career.
How many dollars and how many kilos, how many smoothies and how many dress sizes.
Let’s make it about love.
Let’s make it about loss.
Let’s make it about growing.
Let’s make it about understanding ourselves better.
Understanding our lovers better.
Hearing our children better.
Let’s make it about something deeper.
Because I promise you.
From the deepest parts of me.
That it’ll make you wealthier and slimmer.
Let alone so. So. So. Much happier.
X
K
I really would love for this to be a moment in your day, when we shift gears. Pause. Ponder.
And get a little more aware of all the feels. xx
I really would love for this to be a moment in your day, when we shift gears. Pause. Ponder.
And get a little more aware of all the feels. xx
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