womanhood

a work in progress

Category: Career (Page 1 of 13)

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Worth

I have spoken to countless women about this. 

Countless mothers. 

Countless friends. 

You know what they say? 

You know what you all say? 

Money is the determining factor. 

As a society, we use money to determine things. 

He earns more, so we thought he should work. 

There is no point in me working because it doesn’t make financial sense. 

He made the decision to buy the warehouse because he makes the money. 

We moved three times for his career. 

I conceived and so a career wasn’t an option.

It seems. 

Who earns more money, seems to call the shots. 

And women especially seem to feel this the most, once they have children. 

Because they aren’t earning money, their sense of worth plummets. 

They toss their power, their self worth and arguments out the window. 

Because. He earns. 

///

Using money to decide worth is the WORST call you can make. 

Your worth is in who you are. 

Is in how loving you feel towards yourself. 

How contented you are. 

And if that means, putting the kids in childcare at an additional financial cost, so you can get some hours away from the home and engage with the world and feel HAPPY, then, your family is going to see the benefits of that. 

Don’t let money be the only measure. 

There are so many more measures. We need to give them more priority. 

Or we’ll have more depression and damaged children. 

X

K

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Sinking in Doubt

I’m sinking.
Deeper and deeper.
And I’m trying to stop myself.
Everyday.

With 5 deep breaths.
With a little tidy here and there.
With spinach as a side.

Holding myself up.
Just a little.

It’s a wave you’ve gotta ride through babe.
You know you’re gonna more than make it at the other end.
So why you stressing?

I know Kholo is going to leap, sing and dance.
Not just float.

So why do I seem to obsess.
Worry.
Anxiet myself.

Let. It. Go.
Surrender.

Xx
K

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How sickly are they?

Those who cannot love.

Those who cannot be free of numbers and control.

How sickly are they?

Those who hold tight.

Strangling in their love.

How sickly are they?

How sickly are you?

Controlling it the way you do.

Not enough.

Not enough.

Not enough.

It is never enough.

Perhaps one day.

When we are gone, no shadows in our trace.

Will it all finally be.

Sickeningly enough.

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Don’t Know

I don’t know where to from here.
But I do know.
I need to slow it down.
Way down.

I need to make time for my loves.
Make time for me.
Precious me.

X
K

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Men Vs. Men

I’m coming to the realisation.
That I don’t have room for men, who feel uncomfortable, threatened or uneasy about whom I am.

I want to be around men who champion women.
Men who admire women who are ahead of them in the game.
Men whose eyes light up when they see a successful woman.

Those are the kind of men I’m okay to have in my life.

The rest are just bad vibes.

X
K

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Manic

Why are we living in the manic?
Why so busy?
Why so committed?
Why so overloaded?

Why no time to breathe.
No time to walk.
No time to laugh.

Where are we running to?

You know it’s pointless right?

Because you might show up.
But energy doesn’t lie.

So let go of the angst.
And pace it.

We’ve got a long way to go.

X
K

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Intent

The intentions.
What we started with.
Flow through.

And when we stop being true to who we are, what we really wanted, how we wanted things to go down, it shows.

In the work.
In the gravity of what we do.
In the lives we live.

It shows.

Show up.
For yourself.

Because the outcome,
Will always be better than all the bullshit compromise, the comparing, the adjusting, the navigating, all the crap, you’ve bowed down to.

Show me.
You.

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Keys Out

Somedays.
I wish.
The thoughts in my head.
Would just hit a dead end.
Switch into park.
And stop.

Engines off.

X
K

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My boys

Line up.
Line em up.

Girls all with their pretty peacock feathers.
How pretty can I look?
More than this?
Can I obliterate every fucking imperfection from myself?

So I’m good enough?

Bags under eyes.
Curves at hips.
Restless hair.
Thunder thighs that roar.

And not just that.

No seriously.
Not just that.

How can I ADEQUATELY meet your needs?
Want me to wear heels?
Don’t like my earrings?
Should I change?
For you?

Am I good enough.

We ask ourselves again and again and again.

In everything we do.

With every strand of hair kept in place.
Every diamond earring that says, “I’m So Appropriate For This”.
Every fake smile.
Every chunni pinned to perfection and every tummy sucked in with Spanx so we can breathe a little less and feel like the boys will love us now that they can’t see our tummies.

We think that is what it takes.
To meet the quota.

A room full of girls.
Who never made daddy proud.
Who never made mummy proud.
Who never made the bloody aunties proud.
Enough.

When are we going to change this?
When are you going to wake up?

This one is on us.

Wear what you want.

Walk how you want.

Love who you are.

And bloody hell, have that tequila if you want.

Be a bad girl.

Be a good girl.

Be a naughty girl.

Be a sassy one.

Be the one that makes too much money.

Or be the one who spends a lot of money.

Who cares.

Just be you sweetheart.

Just be you.

 

Xx

K

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Updates.Updates

So by the time you read this,
I might be on a different tangent.

But right now.
I’m realising how ungrateful I am.
This time last year, I hadn’t even fathomed Kholo.
And this time 6 months ago, I was sitting at a restaurant, telling my friend about how nervous I was that no one would appreciate the designs of Kholo.
I probably didn’t even have 20 followers on Instagram then.

But lately.
I’ve been obsessed.
Another sale.
God give me another sale.
God give me more followers.

And I’m ashamed.
I don’t even want to tell you this.
Because it’s down right lame.

But I’m so hungry.
Expecting Kholo to fulfill me.
To fulfill my need.

And I’m learning.
That nothing is ever enough.

I can either back off and enjoy the sweet ride of this beautiful business that is unfolding before me.

Or be a dick about it.
And piss off the universe.
And then cry and moan and whinge for nothing.

I think I need to choose Option A.

Thank you universe.
You have been so kind to me, even though I’ve been such a little shit lately.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Xxx
K

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