Broadly speaking, I don’t think I’m the queen of guilt. Princess maybe, but perhaps not the queen.

But every now and then.

Something happens.

With Aru more so than anything. It’s like I can be content with work, with V, with my family.

I can forgive myself all that. I can accept myself all that.

But that time I wasn’t there when he walked three steps to Neha. I can’t forget.

That time we stayed a night at a hotel as a little getaway and didn’t let him know about it. I can’t forget.

The times we let him cry because we just didn’t know what to do and were exhausted. I can’t forget.

Those months I didn’t breastfeed. I can’t forget.

The time we left him in hospital at 5 days because he was born premmie. I can’t forget.

All those times I didn’t give him a kangaroo cuddle. I can’t forget.

Every time that I let someone else step in and help me take care of him so I could step away. I can’t forget.

___

Someone teach me how to be kind to myself because today it isn’t coming easy.

Xx