I think we are seekers of happiness. 

Taught to believe a life of sacrifice and compromise is the best kind of life. 
I look at my incredible mother, she raised 3 children. No help. 
So of course, when I had my own child, I thought I should do it alone, no help. 
She did it all. The meals, the clothes, the love, the learning all. 
And I kept trying and oh man, I only had one child to contend. 

Then very, very recently, I said to V, “You know, I think the longest I can be with Aru without loosing it – is for 3-4 hours solo, maximum.” He said, “I totally understand.”

And in that moment. 
I stopped trying to be my mum (she’s extremely incredible and it was painful to say to myself, I can’t be like her. I can’t do it.). 
In that moment. 

I was ready to be my own woman, finding my own balance. 
What worked for me. Event if it meant shedding the ego. The comparison.

I don’t think parenting has to be compromise all the way. Especially if you’re like me and compromise doesn’t suit you. As my little sister has reminded me – there are some women who love this, to whom it comes naturally. However, to me. It just isn’t so. 
I want to go to art galleries. I want to have a glass of wine. I want my morning cups of chai. I want my space. I want time to shop or wax. AND I want time to hang with Aru. To change his diaper. To bath with him. To pat a dog with him. To dance in the car with him. To fight with him and guide him. I want that. 
And I think, if you can let go of everything you thought you had to hold, you can have a life that leaves you feeling like motherhood and womanhood are both miracles.
But, without letting go, without losing the control, it won’t happen. 
If you’re the “me” type – yearning for more, I hope you consider a remix. This comes from a place of true love, warm fuzzies and hugs – no judgement. Because if you’re loving it, I would never want to change a single thing. 
Xx
K