womanhood

a work in progress

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Tears in daylight

Important little note:

1. We got our anniversary date wrong and thought it was yesterday instead of today.

2. The picture that you see for the post is what I came home to 🙂
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Today is our 8 year anniversary.

This time 8 years ago, we walked around a fire and repeated verses after a priest. Verses we probably partially understood.

No one knows what forever means. 

Just like no first time pregnant woman knows what having a baby means.

There are things we can’t quite fathom.
And he and I sat in a cafe today, one of those fancy organic ones in Hawksburn off a little side road. 

With our almond milk chai lattes, we came to realise it was one of the very few times we’d been alone together in recent times.

Aru floods our life. And my dearest Aru, if you’re reading this, please know you flooded it with love.

But not just Aru, it was everything else we permitted to be of a higher value than us. 

Every meeting, every friend, every piece of paper work to be filled. More important than a latte to be shared.

We never bothered with the value of date nights, lunches out, scheduled “us time”.

Because we’d always had it. 

Working together in the same space. Coming home and leaving home together. 

There was always ample time for us.

But somewhere between Armadale and Windsor, pregnancy and a baby boy, daycare and the furniture, we’d lapsed on the lattes.

So there was no surprise when I cried at the cafe.

Scared to share my honest truth, I love it when the house is empty and there is time for me. Just for me, without you, without Aru, without Barbara, without anyone wanting anything from me.

And you knew that for once in months, I was connecting to what I had been feeling and finally permitting myself to be aware of it.

Because just as I can see when you aren’t yourself better than you can, you can see the same for me.

And so how do we mend this? 

This growing gap, we hadn’t realised we were watering every day?

I guess it starts with tears at a cafe.
Thank you for bravely hearing my truth, my laughter always rings loudly once it’s out. And it’s back.

There will be a date night around the corner I’m guessing.
Xx

K

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2 Comments

  1. Sneha

    Did I ever tell you I love you for who you are!:) thank you for your true words…

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