Somedays, I can’t bear another cry from you.  

I’ll let you wait in your room, for another half an hour or two when I wish you’d sleep for longer.  

Somedays, I smile when I really want to yell. 

Often, I don’t really care if you’ve had enough to eat, I tell myself if you won’t eat what is on the plate, you simply aren’t hungry enough.  

I’ll pretend I have patience and follow through with silence instead.  

Somedays you suck it out of me.  

The pran.  

And I feel so awful for feeling like this.  

I’m not that type of mum.  

Somedays.  

And then there are better somedays.  

When I love how you go in reverse gear and waddle into my lap for a story book.  

I love when you do a little rotating dance to Beyoncé’s “Formation”. 

I love it when you walk around the play centre for an hour, chipping at that apple, crunch by crunch.  

I love it when you touch my cheeks. 

I love it when you’re lost in your little world, babbling and being so important.  

I’m trying to love you a little more, I really am.  

I wish I could feel like the better somedays more often.  

But. I just don’t know how.  

Xx K