Today Kaylene said that men often struggle when a first child is born because the wife’s attention is so diverted to the child. I looked at you and I was so quick to say, “yeah, but I don’t think V felt that way”. But there was something in your eyes that wasn’t assent. I knew it. We glazed over it so fast, I would have missed the point if I wasn’t present in the moment.
I’m so sorry for every abundant hug I gave Aru and when you wanted a hug, I said I was busy doing something.
I’m so sorry when I smothered Aru in kisses and couldn’t spare a peck for you.
I’m so sorry when I insisted on making fresh for Aru but couldn’t for us.
I’m so sorry when I couldn’t step away from Aru for a coffee for us.
When date nights became about him – I’m sorry.
Now that I look back, it’s been countless times. My body is healed. Life has rebalanced. I’ve found myself. But somewhere I started to lose you.
I’m sorry. I know you’d never do that to me (because I really drilled it in you that I would always come first).
I look at women who complain about their husbands never spending time with them. Especially once the kids have left home.
But I wonder. Was it because they got used to coming second? They found a walk to walk away from being a third wheel to children and their mums?
I will try to make you my first all over again. Better late than never sweetheart.