womanhood

a work in progress

So sorry

Today Kaylene said that men often struggle when a first child is born because the wife’s attention is so diverted to the child. I looked at you and I was so quick to say, “yeah, but I don’t think V felt that way”. But there was something in your eyes that wasn’t assent. I knew it. We glazed over it so fast, I would have missed the point if I wasn’t present in the moment.

I’m so sorry for every abundant hug I gave Aru and when you wanted a hug, I said I was busy doing something.

I’m so sorry when I smothered Aru in kisses and couldn’t spare a peck for you.

I’m so sorry when I insisted on making fresh for Aru but couldn’t for us.

I’m so sorry when I couldn’t step away from Aru for a coffee for us.

When date nights became about him – I’m sorry.

Now that I look back, it’s been countless times. My body is healed. Life has rebalanced. I’ve found myself. But somewhere I started to lose you.

I’m sorry. I know you’d never do that to me (because I really drilled it in you that I would always come first).

I look at women who complain about their husbands never spending time with them. Especially once the kids have left home.

But I wonder. Was it because they got used to coming second? They found a walk to walk away from being a third wheel to children and their mums?

I will try to make you my first all over again. Better late than never sweetheart. 
Xx

K

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4 Comments

  1. nicole

    On my way home from my date night, reach out, he’s waiting patiently for your cue.

    • karishma

      That was a beautiful comment to read. “Patiently waiting for your cue…”
      🙂 x K

  2. Your post reminded me of Keith Urban quote that I read last year and it stayed with me, just because he seemed so clear about his thoughts –

    “We’re very, very tight as a family unit and the children are our life, but I know the order of my love. It’s my wife and then my daughters. I just think it’s really important for the kids.”

    “There are too many parents who start to lose the plot a little and start to give all their love to the kids, and then the partner starts to go without. And then everybody loses. As a kid, all I needed to know was that my parents were solid.”

    I love your honest posts. I love you more! Xx

    • karishma

      It’s too easy to do. Kids are so cuddly and pure and endlessly loving. They’re the biggest love trap of all 🙂 Jemima Kirk (not sure about spelling), from GIRLS said something similar once she had a baby.

      THANKS FOR YOUR LOVIN! Makes my day ??? hope you are well darling. X

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