womanhood

a work in progress

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Reader Question: Who is your inner circle? 

Some of you maybe familiar with the “inner circle” idea of having a select few people to lean on in times of crisis or change.

A reader asked me about this. And I’m realising.

I have a handful of inner circles.

I go to different people for different things.
Marriage.

I don’t go to my family about severe marriage problems (I do go occasionally, because we’ve grown a lot from past experiences, but I prefer to go after an incident has been resolved).

The simple truth is that they love you. They have roughly 30+ years of me vs. 10ish years of V. I don’t want to put them in the position of taking sides as much as they wouldn’t want to take sides.

I go to Kaylene first about marriage problems.

Then I’ll often quite openly tell people about my concerns, or issues.

Only once I know the answers myself.

Women to Aspire From & Share A Friendship With

I have a select few women I talk to about business and career thoughts.

My simple rule is that their feedback can be critical, but overall, it needs to be nurturing and positive. I can’t be in competition or a significant threat to them. They need to be either more advanced than me, or at a par level, or in a completely different area of learning to me.

I’m very cautious about this.

I feel we all have it in our core nature to compare. If you observe signs of someone trying to shoot you down in a conversation or tell you that your needs aren’t important, than I would recommend taking a step back and talking to someone else.

Health 

I’m learning things that are working for me and I find myself gravitating to certain philosophies. In case of an emergency, I always consult my older sister (who has been known to take my calls for Aru and myself at odd hours) – and she is a total professional medic. Outside of emergencies, I’ll often ask my yoga teacher, talk to V and use herbal remedies if I can.

I’ve also worked extensively with Dr. Libby when I had a thyroid problem and post birth when I was exhausted. I would always go back to her and Dr. Jenny for their incredible work and understanding of my body.

Family 

I’ll often talk to my close friends about family. I find that there is a pattern among us. We’ll find that our parents might be going through the same thing. Our kids will be developing in a similar way. Etcetera. Etcetera. However, often enough, these friends don’t engage heavily with my family on a regular basis.

So essentially, they’re out of the river. Rather than in it. So they’re unlikely to be biased. Don’t talk to your mum’s hair stylist about your mum. It’s just crossing a path that shouldn’t be crossed.

Any areas I haven’t covered?

I think one thing I’ve learned is to weed out the people who don’t really have your best interests at heart.
How?
They might be unforgiving about your minor mistakes.
They might flirt with your husband.
They might not want to celebrate your achievements.
They might question you, or present reverse arguments, which is purely ok, but if they never have your back, then that isn’t ok.
And…
These behaviours have NOTHING ON YOU.

If anything, it’s the light you’re shining, that frustrates them.
And it is as simple (and as hard to believe) as that.
Xx

K

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2 Comments

  1. Zainab Chandurwala

    The beauty lies in accepting oneself the way I am and being loyal to myself how difficult the days can be.The instincts speaks strongly just one has to listen ,learn and accept.Your words are true…

    • karishma

      Thanks so much Zainab. I agree – trusting your instincts is so important. Something I’m learning to do more and more. Getting better with age, the unlearning, to return to childhood 🙂 xx K

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