** Note to the reader, this post comes with a trigger warning, it’s not a post about domestic violence, but it is a post which has a little story containing it.**
I think it is certainly possible.
I know, deeply, innately, I love V.
But that hasn’t stopped me from having moments when I consider divorce or I want to slap him.
But I think.
It’s essential to observe how often you’re getting the mixed emotions.
There was a long time ago, when V slapped me. It has only ever happened once, but it shook everything we knew.
I flew out to NZ and stayed with my family for a week.
They were unbiased as they watched me cry and work through what had just happened.
My sister said something very interesting to me.
She said, “K, I’ve seen you happy with V for 7 years. This is the first time I’ve seen you deeply upset and pained.”
And I thought about that.
And I felt.
It should never happen again.
I’ve now got methods that prevent me from building his anger, but also ensure I express my emotions.
Overall, we are truly, mostly happy to be together.
I consider myself lucky to have found someone who understands me and who is going in the same direction as me.
But I think if the ratio were different, I would consider getting help in the form of a non-biased, trust worthy, experienced consultant or therapist.
You aren’t meant to hate the person you love in the long term.
You’re meant to love being with them.
If that isn’t the case, then you can make it happen.
V and I used to have monthly lash outs around 2009.
Slammed doors, driving off in cars, nights of no hugging, days of mean messages and lots of swearing from my part.
Counselling has eliminated just about all of the above.
We do have the occasional night of no hugging (case in point, last Wednesday night).
But that has happened about 3 times this year.
Which isn’t not bad at all.
Seek the change.