I don’t think you understand.
What it feels like.
To not know.
When he’ll pounce next.
To leave the home in fear that your baby might not be in safe hands.
To see bulging eyes.
To know that you.
You. 
Are not present.
In that moment.
So far gone.
You could do anything.
And so today.
Like other days.
I hold my shit together.
He cries in my arms.
But what if.
What if tomorrow.
I rile up?
What if tomorrow he hits you?
Then what you gone do?
With all that angst?